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25 July 2005
I'm retarded. Seriously, I have a lot of stories from this weekend, but I am still crafting how I want to relay a majority of the details (well, those that I can recall). I just thought in the meantime I would offer this little tale. There have only been two moments in my adult life where I embarrassed myself by not picking up on something or getting information crossed. I embarrass myself regularly, just not usually via a lack of intelligence. So, the first time I did this was a few years ago when I was sitting in a Subway munching on a sandwich when I was struck with an earth shattering epiphany. The wallpaper was all about subways (the interconnected mass-transit system) because it's spelled and sounds identical to "sub" the sandwich and Subway is thus the way of the sandwich, et cetera and so forth. Yes, yes, it's all very apparent, nevertheless, ...continued below
. . . I somehow managed to miss it. Now, this moment of outright idiocy occurred in the silence of my own mind, so really, the only time I am embarrassed by that story is when I convey it publicly aloud. The second item occurred very much in the open, and I could not hide it.
So, Sunday we watched the academy award winning movie Million Dollar Baby. Now, the worst part of this entire situation is I love pop-culture. I eat media daily, in large gulps. Yet, somehow I managed to get Hillary Swank having a penis references from Boys Don't Cry (which I have never seen) with Million Dollar Baby. Yeah, I know. Don't ask how.
Picture this if you will; the room is very quiet and stoic at the conclusion of the film. If you have seen MDB, you know that the film wraps up on a very low note. No rainbows. No sunshine. Then, just as everyone was sharing in the moment and trying to deal with heavy ending and the credits are starting to roll, I blurt out 'Where the hell was the penis scene?! I thought she was a man?! Didn't she have a cock?' I thought it was about a girl boxer who was really a man and that was why she was knocking everyone out.
I spent that entire movie waiting to see Clint Eastwood find her wood. I also, was very interested in finally watching this movie, since for a man's man like Clint I thought a movie about a transsexual was a bit of stretch. But eff it, its Hollywood, right?
Everyone was silent and Naomi just stared at me with her mouth agape slowly saying "You're kidding, right? I can never tell with you."
No. No I wasn't. Apparently, I am retarded.
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I swear it!